


After the doctors

by glitteredsins, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Antony Starr and Stephen Amell [81]
Category: Actor RPF, Arrow (TV 2012) RPF, Banshee (TV) RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 13:58:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14106882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteredsins/pseuds/glitteredsins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica





	After the doctors

  
**players only. backdated to December 2013, the same day as[Stephen sees Dr. Litton](http://cit-stephen-amell.dreamwidth.org/5890.html).**

_warnings: none_

The moment Antony hears the door open, he closes his laptop and heads for the foyer. "Hey," he says with a smile. "How'd it go?" Already searching Stephen's face for some clue.

Toeing off his shoes and discarding his hoodie Stephen nods. "Yeah, it was useful". He'd taken his time coming home, stopping off at a bakery to pick up a box of pastries and a coffee, giving himself some time to process David's conclusions before having to face Antony. He holds up the bag of treats. "I bought pastries, donuts, I'm kinda craving that shit right now."

"I just put on a fresh pot of coffee," Antony says with a smile. "You want some?"

"Yeah please," Stephen follows Antony into the kitchen and sets the bag down. "He was a nice guy."

Antony nods. "Good." Pouring them each a cup of coffee. "I knew Doc would come up with someone decent." He smiles at Stephen. "You want this here?" Nodding at the island. "Or should we sit down?"

"Here, I can eat with impunity." Meaning the crumb storm he's sure he'll create when he sets about the sweet treats. He pulls the box from the paper bag and sets it down before flipping open the lid and exposing the sugar coma nestled inside.

"Am I allowed one, or do you have plans for them all?" Antony teases, taking a seat on one of the stools.

Stephen nudges the box at his lover. "Help yourself, there's more than enough even for me there - that was kinda the point." He pulls his mug towards himself and props his chin in his hand. "There's something I need to tell you, something I've been feeling, and I've been hiding it from you, which I don't like, but now... it's passed, but I need to say it, okay?"

"Okay," Antony says, nodding, trying not to let his concern bleed into that single word.

"There's been times this last week, since the incident at the club, when I've wanted to ask you to take my collar off," Stephen drops his gaze, not wanting to see what effect his words have on his Sir. "I knew the urge was coming from a shitty place, that it wasn't what I really wanted, more that... I dunno, that I didn't deserve to wear it."

Antony nods. "I got that feeling a time or two," he says. "I kept gearing up, trying to figure out what I'd say if you asked but then you didn't."

"I struggled with that," Stephen looks up now, he slides his hand over the counter top to brush his fingers along the side of Antony's hand. "Would you have? If I'd asked."

"I would've tried to talk you out of it first," Antony answers honestly. "And I probably would've pushed for you to go and talk to someone sooner. But yeah, if you'd insisted." And fuck, how he hates the thought of that. "This doesn't work if we don't both want it."

"It's not that I don't want you, or what we have, it was..." Stephen's reply is swift, almost urgent in his need to reassure. "...I felt I'd lost the right to its comfort."

"Because you were having trouble with how you reacted to that guy?" Antony says, making sure he understands.

"Because I'd felt ashamed at my status as your boy, your submissive, and I have always considered that my greatest gift to you." Stephen pulls his hand back from where his fingertips had been stroking Antony's forearm. "I didn't deserve it."

"And now?" Antony asks, reaching for Stephen's hand as he pulls it back.

"I'm still not comfortable with it, but I'm in a place to trust you, and your judgement on it." It's a cop out, to a point, but he's still processing what he's talked about today, and the revelations that's brought with it.

Relief washes over Antony and he blows out a soft breath, giving Stephen's hand a squeeze. "Good." He rubs his free hand over the back of his neck, unaware until now just how much tension he's been carrying around with him. "What did the doctor say? Or should I not ask? Are you gonna see him again?"

"Of course you can ask, and yes, I'm going to see him again when we get back from our honeymoon, to check in and see if I might want to talk anything over still." That move, that hand to the back of his neck, is one of Antony's few tells, and it lets Stephen know just how much this has gotten to his lover. "He thinks what we have is healthy, that you take good care of me, but he's suggested that all this..." he waves his free hand around in a vague movement, "is down to residual head space, he thinks the level we played at might still be affecting me weeks later."

Antony nods. "That makes sense." And it's pretty much what he said, but obviously Stephen needed to hear it from someone completely removed from the situation. "Did he say whether we need to change how we play?" he asks. "Or just not play like that again?"

"He didn't offer an opinion on that." Stephen pulls back his hand to pick up his mug. "I think that's our call, your call, at least if we did it again, we'd be prepared."

Antony nods again and sits back a little. "I'm glad seeing him helped. Doc really came through for us," he says, picking out a donut and pulling it apart. He can't imagine what the wedding and honeymoon would have been like with Stephen feeling the way he had been.

Stephen watches Antony for a moment, it hurts to see what he's done to the one person he'd do anything to protect. "I'm sorry, Sir, Tony, I'm sorry for this, for what I did yesterday, for worrying you."

"I know," Antony says, setting his donut down and sliding from his seat. Gesturing for Stephen to let him give him a hug. "I'm just really glad we got you someone to talk to because obviously I didn't know what I was doing."

Stephen opens his arms, sets his face to Antony's chest, his eyes closing. "You take the best care of me, don't feel shitty, we were both out of our depth." He nuzzles in, inhaling his Sir's scent. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too," Antony murmurs, hugging Stephen tight. "More than anything."

"Can we start getting excited about our wedding now? Rather than worrying about this shit?" Stephen tilts his head up, eyes opening, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. "This will pass, and we're both aware of it now, and in less than two weeks you get to put a whole other claim on me."

Antony smiles back, eyes crinkling at their corners. "Definitely. Nine days and counting."

"Nine days!" Stephen huffs out a soft laugh. "Wow, then I get to have a legal claim on the apartment, right?" He's teasing of course, and they both know it.

"Yup, and all my other worldly possessions," Antony teases back, leaning in for a kiss.

Stephen opens his mouth to his Sir, seeking something deep and tender. He slides the flat of his hands up Antony's back, his fingers splayed over warm jersey.

With a soft groan, Antony licks into Stephen's mouth, pressing closer, savouring the intimacy between them.

It's Stephen that pulls back first, nuzzling a little against Antony's stubble. "Can we have an early night? " he asks, they'd not had sex last night after his outburst, and he's feeling the need - though he's also wanting to enjoy the anticipation, the slow burn and build.

"I would love an early night," Antony murmurs, hugging Stephen in close, hands stroking down his back, over his ass.

"I vote for an early dinner, and a bottle of wine," Stephen's smiling into Antony's neck, wriggling against those knowing hands. "And some non kinky, vanilla sex."

"Sounds good to me," Antony says with another soft sound of pleasure at Stephen's squirming against him. "If I'm making gnocchi though, you'd better not spoil your appetite with donuts," he teases.

"When have I ever not eaten an obscene amount of gnocchi? Donuts or no." It's true, Stephen will stuff himself until he feels sick when it comes to both Italian food and carb based sugar treats.

Antony laughs. "Fair enough," he says, giving Stephen another kiss. "If we're planning an early night, I'd better get working on dinner."

"Yes! Get to it!" Stephen pats his lover on the ass, "And I'll get working on these," he waves his hand at the box of treats.

///

"I brought in some gelato - devil's chocolate," Antony says, when they've stuffed themselves on homemade gnocchi in a basil pesto sauce, salad and garlic bread. "But maybe we should save that until later," he adds with a grin, emptying the last of the wine into their glasses.

"Oh god yeah, I couldn't eat another thing right now." Stephen grins up at his lover, he feels so much more relaxed now, like he's shed a weight of worries having talked things over. He sees it mirrored in his lover too, Antony's been quick to smile and tease since he got home. "I like this one," he holds up his glass. "Do we have more?"

"Half a case," Antony says, sitting back and smiling across the table at Stephen, "and I can always order more if you want."

"Yeah I think I'd like that," Stephen sips the wine, he'd happily crack another bottle right now, but he's not sure Antony would be up for that, they rarely drink more than one bottle of wine at a time. "So, how are you feeling now?" he asks, setting the glass down.

"Better. Relieved," Antony says after thinking about it for a moment, neither word coming even close to expressing how worried he'd been. "You?"

"Like a weight's been taken off, I've still got some processing to do, a lot I think. And I need to be aware that it might still affect me for a while yet." Stephen presses his finger to a crumb on the table top. "I need to know about where you've been though, you hide more from me than I do you - and I think maybe I should know more."

"You mean how I've been feeling...?" Antony asks.

"Yeah, you go all 'I'm in charge and in control' on me, which is what I know you do for work, but... this is us."

"I was worried," Antony says after a moment, exhaling softly. "I was concerned with the way you reacted to the guy at Cit, then I was worried about how you were dealing with it after but I knew you didn't want to talk about it, and then I didn't know what to think yesterday. You scared the shit out of me and I can't remember the last time someone did that. And it wasn't because of your anger and the door," _and you almost hitting me,_ he thinks, "although that was pretty impressive, but I didn't know how to fix things and I was scared you'd change your mind. That you wouldn't want to wear my collar, that you wouldn't want to marry me..."

And doesn't that make Stephen feel like a complete shit. He reaches for Antony's hand and entwines their fingers. "You did kinda know how to fix it Tony, you got me to speak to that guy today, and you know what I told him? That I'm worried that I am too focused on you, that you are almost too important to me, that outside of work, everything is about you. I can't imagine not having you right here beside me, I can't contemplate not being your boy - not wanting to wear the collar was about my right to wear, not that I didn't want it. And Tony, I absolutely _am_ going to marry you, not for one second have I thought about bailing on that promise. I want this, I want you, more than I have ever wanted anything."

He needed to hear those words more than he thought and Antony squeezes Stephen's fingers, his throat dry, tight, tears stinging behind his eyes. Christ.

He sees it, how can he not? Moments later Stephen's slipping from his seat and moving around to step up and pull Antony into him. "I'm sorry I made you feel like that, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too," Antony says, grateful when the tears recede. "And you can't help how you feel. It's not anything you did on purpose."

"No, but I should have been more sensitive, I got all tangled up in my own drama and I didn't stop and think what impact my behaviour was having on you," Stephen drops down to the floor beside Antony's chair. "We've been so focused on watching for 'drop' we missed what was right under our noses." He manages a sad smile. "Lessons learned huh?"

Antony nods, laying his hand on the back of Stephen's neck, the skin and chain warm beneath his fingers. "Dr. Litton's number might be a good one to keep on hand," he says. "Just in case."

"I'm going to see him when we get back, maybe more, I don't want to do that to us again," Stephen sets his cheek against Antony's thigh.

Antony nods, watching Stephen, his chest tight, but with love now, not worry or stress. "I know sometimes they want to see both people in a relationship," he says slowly. "If he ever suggests that, I'm willing. Just so you know."

For a man who keeps himself so closed off, Stephen knows what that offer cost his lover. He tips his head to look up. "Thank you."

Antony smiles. "You know I'd do anything for you," he says softly.

"Anything?" Stephen's smiles turns a little impish. "..you'd even open another bottle of that wine and take me to bed?"

"With the bottle of wine, or after it?" Antony asks, eyes dancing, crinkling at their corners.

"With," Stephen turns his head and presses a kiss to the denim covering Antony's thigh.

"You take the glasses. I'll grab the wine," Antony says. "We can clean the rest of this up later." Meaning tomorrow.

Just ten minutes later and Stephen is sliding into bed beside his lover, reaching to take the offered glass. The room is lowly lit, all the better to appreciate the lights of the city that twinkle through the large windows. "Hmm, I was dreading today when I woke up, and it's turned out better than I hoped," he offers, sipping the wine and leaning back into his pillows.

Antony smiles. "I'm really glad it turned out that way," he says. "Like you said, now we can just focus on the wedding and our honeymoon."

"It still seems surreal, so much has happened in a year." Stephen shuffles so he's half turned to look at Antony. "I wonder where we'll be a year from now?"

"Well, you'll still be doing Arrow, I'll maybe be semi-retired," Antony says, taking a drink of his wine. "We'll be celebrating our anniversary, choosing somewhere exotic to go and I'll be attending whatever cons you want to go to." He grins. "What else do you have in mind? I'll make some predictions and we'll see how off I am next year."

Stephen lets the 'semi retired' comment slide, though the thought thrills him. "Oh I don't know, you think we might look at a weekend home somewhere?" They'd talked about a beach house once, and Stephen likes the idea of having somewhere small, out of the way that they can retreat to. "Maybe you'll have added more piercings to me?"

"I thought you didn't want to jingle when you walk," Antony teases.

"I don't." He gives his lover a mock glare over the rim of his glass.

"So... what could I pierce? Your nipples? I could do a frenum or lorum. Small ones," Antony says, quite enjoying himself. "Or a guiche."

"I don't even know what half of those are," Stephen snorts, turning to set his glass on his bedside. "And no, you can't do my nipples, I told you that. Can we at least let this one heal first? My poor cock, I'm beginning to think it's a fucking good thing I don't really use it."

Antony laughs. "I thought you might have changed your mind," he says. "And of course we can let it heal. I've barely had any fun with it yet." When Stephen turns back, he leans in to kiss him. "What about the weekend house? How close would you want to be?"

"I hadn't thought about logistics, I just liked the idea of it, somewhere small and perfect, somewhere we can relax and chill, and not be watched, with outdoor space and a grill..." Stephen shrugs, grinning, "I really hadn't given it much thought."

"I'd want something on the water," Antony says, nodding, having maybe given it a bit more thought already. "It doesn't have to be right on the beach but I'd want to look out and see water."

"Yeah." Though Stephen would prefer something right on the beach, but finding something as private as they need, with a beach front is going to be practically impossible.

"We could get someone looking for us when we get home," Antony says. "It might take us months to find the right place." Something Stephen said earlier only now sinking in. "What do you mean you don't really use your cock?"

Stephen's nodding, right up until the last. "Huh?" He frowns for a moment, then his brows go up. "Oh! No, I just meant it that I don't fuck with it? It's been... wow, a long time since I last did that."

"Do you miss it?"

Stephen takes the time to think that over. "Yeah, sometimes, last time was a one night thing after Cam, before that? Huh, I don't know, Cam asked me once, to fuck the other boy in a scene, but I used my safe word, I don't like it from that head space. It's not been a regular thing since I got into kink, mostly because the guys I like to submit to aren't inclined to bottom."

"Yeah. Sorry about that," Antony says, feeling more than a little guilty even though it's been _years_ since he bottomed. "Do you ever think about fucking me? Fantasize, I mean."

Stephen's expression is almost comical. "I can honestly say, I have never fantasised about fucking you, no." He laughs. "No, Tony... maybe I've had a fleeting moment when we're being lovers, but so often we're in role - to a greater or lesser degree, it's just not somewhere my head goes. I know it's not something I can ever have with you."

Antony nods. "You haven't even fantasized about it though? I don't know whether to be relieved or insulted," he says with a grin.

"I may have thought about it, right when we first got together, but fantasize? No," Stephen shakes his head, smiling. "I'm resigned to not having that again, and that's okay, it's not like it was ever on the table between us."

"At least I like to suck your cock," Antony says, although they haven't done that since the piercing. "And rim you."

Stephen's brows go up at that, his mouth curved up at the edges. "You're listing the things you do, do," he points out, poking at his lover with his forefinger. "Which means you feel like you have something to make up for, cos you don't want me fucking you!"

"I don't want anyone fucking me," Antony protests. "But yeah, I feel a little guilty. I'm not letting you fuck anyone else and I'm not letting you fuck me..."

Folding his arm under his head, Stephen eyes his lover. "Is it just not something you like? I can't imagine not getting fucked."

Antony shakes his head. "I never liked it. It just always felt weird."

He can't not laugh at that. "Oh man, sounds like you had someone who didn't know how to do it right," Stephen teases. "You clearly get off on ass play though huh?" Meaning when he rims and fingers his Sir during a guided scene.

"It wasn't just one person," Antony says, swallowing half his wine. "I tried it a few times, and a finger's way fucking different than a cock."

"And was it always fucking, as opposed to something more intimate, like we share?" Because for Stephen it is different - both equally satisfying, but still, different.

Antony nods. "Always just fucking." Stephen's the first person he's ever done the truly intimate thing with.

"It's different with someone you love," Stephen reaches out to pet Antony's chest hair. "I'm not trying to persuade you, just saying, for me, it's different for me, fucking and making love." He muses on that for a moment. "It's a fine line, between the two, because even when you're Sir and you're fucking me, you're still loving me,"

"Yeah, I am," Antony says, exhaling softly and downing the last of his wine. "The thing is... and I'm not agreeing to anything and I know you're not trying to persuade me, but if we did and I still didn't like it, how would you feel?"

"Tony, I don't have that with you now, so I'd lose nothing, in fact I'm not sure it's something I'd really want, I want to please you, that's the start and end of my needs and wants." He can see this conversation is making his Sir uncomfortable, so he inches closer and nuzzles against Antony's chest.

Antony puts his arm around Stephen and pulls him in, kissing the top of his head. "I love you," he murmurs. "And if I was going to let anyone inside me like that, it would be you." But they have enough stuff going on right now without throwing this into the mix.

"I love what we have, I love how we work, all recent issues aside. It's enough for me, it's everything I need." And if Stephen never gets to top anyone again, it's a very small price to pay.

Antony tilts Stephen's face up and kisses him. "You are everything I need," he murmurs, kissing him again and again.

Stephen opens his mouth, urging Antony to lick inside, humming his approval of the 'less talking more kissing' move. He inches up his lover's body a little more, his hand sliding up over warm, hair dusted skin to curl around the whiskered column of Antony's neck.

"Mm. You taste so good," Antony whispers, smiling, eyes crinkling. He licks into Stephen's mouth again, their tongues sliding against each other, his body responding eagerly. But he's in no hurry, wants to savour this, wants to lose himself in his lover for a while.

"Told you, s'good wine," Stephen smiles against Antony's mouth, nipping at his lower lip. He presses back against his lover's lips, his fingers stroking and petting seeking out sensitive places to tease.

Antony runs his hands over Stephen, over his shoulders and back and ass, cupping his cheeks, grinding lightly. He groans, cock kicking up, smearing precome against Stephen's skin.

"I love you," Stephen murmurs the words as he licks along the outer shell of Antony's ear. "I love you with all my heart," the emotion swells in his chest, all the anxiety of the last few days falling away in this intimate reconnection. "Sir, lover, husband, mine."

It steals Antony's breath away, to know he's all those to Stephen. To be something more than himself, beholden to someone. He's spent too much time alone in his life, too much time where nothing but work has mattered. "You're everything to me," he whispers fiercely, needing Stephen to know that, to feel it. "I love you so much."

"Make love to me," Stephen rumbles back, fingers pressing hard into Antony's flesh, wanting that muscular body above and inside him. "Make love to me Tony."

Fuck yes. Antony shifts, kissing Stephen again, kissing him fiercely as he moves between his thighs, the words setting him on fire.

Stephen opens his body up, his thighs splay, he hooks his feet around Antony's calves and slides his hands up and under his lover's arms to fan his fingers over the wings of Antony's shoulder blades. Giving back every bit as much passion as Antony is showing him.

Antony delves into Stephen's mouth, tasting his boy, the wine. Groans at the feel of his lover wrapped around him, mouth moving lower, kissing his way down Stephen's throat, along his collar.

His lover's mouth is like electricity on his skin, each press of lips sends goosebumps over Stephen's skin. "Oh fuck...Tony...fuck...yes!"

Antony lifts his head, smiling down at Stephen. "You have enough patience for me to kiss all of you?"

A quick shake of his head and Stephen licks over his lower lip. "No, not tonight? Not now..." he rumbles softly. "I need you."

"Okay," Antony nods, reaching for the lube in the bedside drawer, his fingers slicked and slipped between Stephen's thighs.

Stephen hisses out his pleasure as Antony's fingers find his hole and slide easily inside - he wants this, he's desperate for his man to take him, so his body opens easily eager for more. "Please...please Tony..."

"I know," Antony murmurs, and he does, but he's not going to take a chance in hurting Stephen, not now, not tonight. That's not what this is about and it's still too close to their scene for him to feel comfortable with not taking every ounce of care as he carefully and patiently stretches Stephen open.

Words have dissolved into incoherent groans and needy noises by the time Antony pulls his hand away, Stephen's feverish with the need to have his lover inside him, to become one with him, he paws at Antony's shoulder, lifts his head seeking kisses and writhes hungrily beneath his lover's weight.

Lining up, Antony slowly pushes inside, the tight heat of Stephen's body making his head swim. "You feel so good," he murmurs, working his way deeper, his lover's body opening easily to welcome him.

Stephen's body vibrates with restrained energy, he keeps himself still enough to allow Antony unhindered access, skin sliding slick and smooth against skin. His breathing is erratic, short, sharp puffs of air against his lover's shoulder. "I need you so much... hold me, don't let go," he begs, his voice thick and rough with need. "Don't ever let go."

"I won't," Antony promises, moving deeper, his cock throbbing inside his lover's body. "Not ever. I swear."

When Antony's bottoms out, when his lover is as deep inside him as he can be, Stephen holds him there, hands pulling him close, breath shared. _We're one, we're connected..._

"I never thought I'd find you," Antony whispers, staring down at Stephen. Surrounded by his lover, his boy, his husband-to-be. "And now that I have, I'm not _ever_ going to let you go."

It's been an emotional few days - to say the least - so at Antony's words, at the intense sincerity of them Stephen finds his eyes swimming with tears. He nods, bringing his hand up he presses his fingers to his lover's mouth.

Antony kisses those fingers. He rocks his hips slightly, a soft groan spilling from his lips, ghosting over Stephen's skin. "I could stay like this forever," he murmurs.

"I..." Stephen's voice cracks and he swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand before sliding it around Antony's neck, his own throat bared as he arches into that canting of his lover's hips. "...I want that too." _I want the world to leave us alone..._

Now Antony kisses Stephen's throat. Presses his lips to that pulse point, to that collar, to the skin bared in complete vulnerability. Slowly moving into Stephen again and again. Every movement unrushed.

"Oh...oh Tony," Stephen groans out his lover's name, rising up to meet each and every slow, tortuous thrust. "Oh fuck..." This unhurried pace is setting him alight in a whole new way, his entire skin sings with the electricity of his utter arousal.

It's always so good with Stephen, better than it's ever been with anyone else, but this? Antony groans and stills, his cock throbbing roughly inside that tight heat. "Just a sec."

"Whassamatter?" Stephen's query is slurred against the sweat damp meat of Antony's shoulder where he's busy nuzzling and biting.

"I'm gonna come and I don't want to," Antony grits out, his cock giving another dangerous pulse at the scrape of Stephen's teeth.

"Inevitable," Stephen licks from shoulder to throat, "We can do this again later, and again, and...." and then he bites down, right over the subtle beat of Antony's pulse point.

Antony gasps. Feels his orgasm _right there_ with no hope of holding it back. "Fuck," he breathes, hips moving again, riding the waves of pleasure coursing through him.

Stephen's fingers press so tightly into Antony's skin he'll leave bruises as he holds his lover through his completion, he uses his entire body to prolong the pleasure, using all his knowledge of his man to coax out every last shudder.

The last of the aftershocks tremble through his frame and Antony presses his forehead against Stephen's. "You didn't get to come," he whispers. Which would be fine almost any other time but not tonight. "Do you want my mouth?"

Stephen shakes his head. He reaches down between them and curls his fingers around himself. "May I?" he asks, breath hitching when Antony's hips twitch just _so_.

Antony nods. _Fuck, yes_.

"Stay in me," Stephen begs as he starts to stroke himself, "Stay deep inside me."

"I will," Antony promises, gaze flickering between Stephen's face and his hand, his cock jerking, staying hard.

It takes no time at all, a warning shot, then Stephen's spraying his semen up over his fingers to spatter it between them. His ass clenches down on Antony's cock and he keens out a sound of pure bliss.

Antony groans, rocking his hips again, trying to draw out Stephen's pleasure. If he hadn't come already, the expression on his lover's face would have been his undoing.

Stephen lifts his lids, his eyes hazy as he meets Antony's gaze. "Hmm, so good," he mumbles. "Always so good."

Antony nods, smiling. "Yeah." Giving Stephen another kiss, the mess between them ignored. "Love you."


End file.
